I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Friday, March 30, 2012

My very first post.

Writing. Writing helps soothe the soul. It helps release my stress and fears from the world.
From myself.
I tend to write a lot. I write about how I'm feeling, what I'm thinking, and sometimes I just write because it makes me feel so much better in the end. I used to be afraid of writing. I was afraid of judgement from others. After I wrote more and more, I became more confident.
I have started an offical blog website because there is just so much I need to release. I am strong. I have been through a lot. (planning on writing more details in the next post.) Everyday I am faced with difficulties that some people don't even experience in their lifetime. I put on my happy face most of the time just to help those around me. I don't do it for myself, nor have I ever. My whole life I have tried to make other people happy and feel better, which can sometimes feel like a burden. I now feel guilty for thinking or feeling sorry for myself. That's why I write. I don't necessarily let people into my not-so-happy moments, thoughts, or days. On my hardest days, I will still put on a smile and a laugh and that is what hurts the most. Not the pain I'm going through, not the difficulties, but the moments where I feel completely lost.
While writing, I plan on telling everything with complete honesty. I want people to know that sometimes my life isn't as easy as I make it out to be. I feel like a lot of times most people expect me to always be positive and uplifting, but it's not possible. I know I may sound somewhat melodramatic, but like I said, I'm being honest. I don't expect much feedback or views from people, but even getting some will help a lot.
I want to try and make this experience for others, and mainly me, as real as possible. I will not be going back and editing things I have written. I will post pictures to give more meaning to things, and I will write everything with nothing but pure honesty.


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  2. My god I'm so sad about this why why😯😧😿😢