I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Mutated Roses

They say roses are meant for love
And roses are meant for peace
But these roses shed blood
These roses are quite unique

Instead of the typical dozen
We are dealt with 65
We must learn how to function
We must learn how to survive

As our bodies grow weaker
Our minds become stronger
As our roses become the leader
Our days aren’t stretched much longer

Thorns leave behind defections
These soon become our heroic alterations
Our roses aren’t signs of affection
We must learn to accept our gene mutations

We are much more than sisters and brothers
We are cysters and fibros
Once there is a passing of another
The sorrow overflows

Although someone may have passed
It doesn’t mean they have succumbed to the fight
Although that crackly breath was their last
Their strength and soul still ignites

In spite of the fact that roses have deadly thorns
There’s a beauty within them all
Between tears, pain and all of the mourning
We have learned to accept this brawl

Alexandria Rockwell 
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownMarch 9, 2013 at 11:57 PM

    So..I've seen you on Instagram and I am just now discovering your blog! I love this. I also have Cystic Fibrosis. Just by reading your blogs and watching the videos I've already found myself in tears because I can relate to you so much. Thank you for this and I plan to start keeping this on a list of things I need to do is check back and read this!! (:

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  2. AlexandriaMarch 13, 2013 at 8:20 PM

    I'm so glad that you were able to find some peace within knowing that you could relate. It's such an amazing feeling. As everyone knows, it's not easy feeling like you're the only one struggling with something.
    It's not problem at all. I told myself that I was going to be completely honest with myself on this blog and I think that it has helped a lot of others struggling with Cystic Fibrosis as well. Not everyone is as open or can talk about their exact feelings when it comes to dealing with it. It seems as if I have helped a lot of people find the exact words to describe it all.
    Thank you so much for being interested in my blog and I hope you continue to stick with it! I love knowing that others are reading it.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 21, 2013 at 4:12 PM

    Beautifully written Alexandria. I am a trustee for a CF charity in Portsmouth - CFK - and my brother also has CF.

    I'm also a singer, and I was wondering if you'd allow me to use your poem to base a song on? If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to include you in the process - please pop me an email on becki@beckishort.co.uk if you're interested! :)

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  4. UnknownFebruary 6, 2014 at 3:38 PM

    Breathe easy Alexandria, I wish you were still here, you're going to be an inspiration every day.

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