I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I'm still going

So, I started going back to the track a couple days ago..surprisingly. I have been feeling sort of upset lately which makes my mind go crazy. The other day I was on the verge of tears several times and out of anger and frustration I just put on running gear, went to my car, drove to the track, and ran. Oh my goodness. My lungs burned soooo terribly bad. I kept making new goals for myself. "First I'll do 55 meters of running, then 75 meters, and eventually I'll do a lap." (I ended up doing 3 1/2 miles total) When I finished that first lap I was gasping and gasping and gasping for air. I started to get lightheaded and really thought I was going to pass out, but I didn't. At the halfway mark I was in so much pain, but you know what I did? I smiled. I smiled and I laughed on the inside at my pitiful lungs..actually..at this pitiful disease. It tries sooo hard to tear me down everyday, but I'm still going. I'm running this lap and I'm doing it with a smile despite the pain. I then began to think about so many other positive and uplifting things..maybe it was the inspirational music playing in my ear or maybe a spark just lit in my head..I don't know, but it was beautiful. I began to think about how many wonderful things I have in life...the "simple" things. I'm spending hours everyday on treatments, I'm suffering through pain, tears, and fatigue mentally and physcially, I encounter countless days in the hospital..I'm doing all of this, but I still keep going. I have a reason to keep going and that means more than anything to me. I'm surrounded by SOO much love everywhere, even on the days where I'm pissed off at everyone and everything.
This life...
it sucks,
it hurts,
it's draining,
but...
it's beautiful,
it's bittersweet,

it is all that we have got, so make it worthwhile.

LIVE...don't just exist.

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