I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Appointment yesterday

I had an appointment yesterday and it didn't go as well as I had expected. My weight went up one pound to 108 which is amazing, but my PFT's (lung functions) dropped from 48% to 32%. I was expecting and hoping for my PFTs to have at least gone up a few, but nope. I have been going to the track and playing tennis for a few weeks, I've been doing all of my treatments, taking all of my pills, drinking extra water...I do all of this and THAT happens. And also, I haven't exactly been feeling too bad. Maybe short of breath and tight-chested a little, but nothing that I can't manage. Sooo yeah. I didn't get admitted because I said that I'm actually feeling pretty good. We're being optimistic and shooting for a two month return...let's see if I can make it that long. I woke up this morning and suddenly feel awful. I wonder if it was just wishful thinking that was causing me to feel so well. I kept saying to myself, "my appointment will go good, maybe even amazing." But now, I KNOW that my PFTs are crappy, so maybe I'm just out of wishful thinking. I slept in until about 11:30 this morning and as soon as I woke up I knew that it was going to be a crappy day. Overnight I had woken up a couple times having a cough attack and then I was trying to catch my breath and that has been going on ever since I woke up....grrrrrr.
I took my sister out to lunch and to the mall after my appointment for her birthday (turned 15). I was completely exhausted after going to only a few stores.

In other happy, positive news: I have officially scheduled classes for my fall semester as a freshman in college! When I went to my advising appointment to figure out what classes I'd be taking, I told her about having CF and missing school and all of that fun stuff. I could instantly tell that she really cared about what I was saying and she had told me that I should have no problems with missing classes, I just need to inform my professors about the situation. I'm going to a community college and there's a building that is honestly only about 5 minutes from where I live and only about 600 students go there so I think that definitely will help a lot. My classes start August 27th and I am taking a english class and health/wellness class online and a math and some required freshman class, which is only a month long, in the classroom. I usually dread going to school, but I know I will be surrounded by a completely different enviroment with more mature people. They also told me that since I am taking night classes, most of the classes will be filled with adults.
I think it's nap time for now.
Till next time,
Alexandria


Me and my sister

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