Fight every fight like you can win: Today

I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Today

Today is not a good day.

Today I am tired

I am sad

I am exhausted

I am struggling

Today is not a good day.

I didn't crawl out of bed until almost 3:00 pm

My body hurts

My lungs hurt

My chest hurts

Today is not a good day.

My breathing is worse than yesterday

Crackly

Shallow

and much more difficult

Today is not a good day.

I am having a hard time

with everything

I must confine myself to the couch

and just breathe

I am so grateful for the health that I DO have, but I just need a moment to break.

I am shaking and I feel so weak right now.

I can't force any food down because honestly, even eating exhausts me today.

I feel as if my lung functions have suddenly dropped 10% overnight.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks because...

well, this is why.

It's okay.

This is today.

Today I must just simply stay in my pajamas and watch movies.

Tomorrow is another day.

I have tomorrow.

Oh yes, I have tomorrow.

2 comments:

GemJanuary 14, 2013 at 12:08 AM
I hope tomorrow's a better day for you and you feel a bit better.

Thinking of you

xxx
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