I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

No one knows your body better than yourself

Slight fever? Seriously?
I don't get it. Well yeah, actually I do.
I have Cystic Fibrosis..that's why.
That's why, even though I've been on IV antibiotics for almost three weeks, I still feel sick. I do 3-4 treatments every day and STILL get sick.
I do this and I do that, over and over and over again.
I haven't had any energy since before I got admitted this past time. I've been dragging myself around just to get by everyday.
I'm freakin tired.

Ever since I had a really bad anxiety attack that sent me to the hospital about two years ago, my doctor always brings up my mental state. So now, everytime I mention my energy level he will say something about it. Honestly, I've been sooo much better in that department and it's aggravating when he does that. I get upset at times, but overall, I'm very happy. I have so much love and support surrounding me, and that's all I need and want.  He says, "With your lung functions, I wouldn't say that they're the reason for your excessive fatigue. How have you been feeling mentally? Is everything okay?"
Okay, doctors are doctors. That's it. He knows what CF is, how it affects the body, what can be done (sometimes), BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE IT!!
My lung functions aren't the best, my doctor has even said this to me. Now, I'm not trying to say that the reasoning for my weakness and fatigue is indeed caused by my lungs, but I honestly believe that it's not because I'm "depressed" like some have said.

Anyways, no one knows your body better than yourself.

There's my rant for tonight.
I need to try..keyword, try...to get some sleep.

Me and Kim (Josh's mom)

Me and my wonderful brother

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