I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

We are warriors, to say the least.

The first few months of my life were critical. I was constantly being transferred from one hospital to another in hopes of finally finding the solution. There were countless moments of close failure. Tubes, machines, and monitors consumed my underdeveloped 4 pound body. A diagnosis was revealed. Yes, finally an answer, but the suffering won't suffice because of it. Literally, since the very second I was born, I have been fighting for my life.

9 1/2 years went by with nothing but a mere glimpse into the CF world. Treatments, pills, and frequent doctors visits were necessary, but they weren't entirely to the point where it controlled my life. At 10 years old, in January 2004, I became hospitalized and was brought into a part of something new that would soon become "normal" to me. Another few years passed with nothing but the daily treatment regime and every 3 month doctor visits. During my last two years of middle school I started to see the real side of Cystic Fibrosis. Hospitalizations were becoming closer together, I was diagnosed with Pseudomonas Aurginosa, and overall, my CF was getting the best of me, ever so slowly.

When high school approached there was no possibility of hiding this illness from myself. Every downfall meant an increase in permanent damage and more medications. I encountered brutal events such as coughing up blood, requiring oxygen, becoming extremely underweight, severe depression, indescribable pain, countless procedures, and seeing many others fight the same battle, but having to say goodbye at a age that is much to young.  I learned the hard way that sometimes there won't always be an answer and even though we deeply wish it to be possible, doctors and scientists aren't miracle workers. They just simply can't solve every problem.

In every CFers life, there are milestones that are reached. Through-out our lives we see ourselves decline at a devastating rate, so for us to reach a new milestone, well, it's a beyond beautiful experience. Literally every single birthday, first day of school, becoming an official teenager, starting high school, turning 18 which is the infamous day that many CFers are told they will never reach finishing college, finding your soulmate, getting married. Every goal that has been reached and every hill that has been climbed help remind us of why we keep fighting. We are warriors, to say the least. Warriors who never give up in the midst of adversity.

My health at the moment isn't doing the greatest. This past week I have lost roughly 6 pounds, my breathing becomes worse everyday, and my energy level is being sucked out more and more. I have been trying my best to make it until graduation without any antibiotics, whether it be oral or IV. I can honestly say that I am miserable right now. I was not able to even shake my inhaler in hopes of helping me breathe a little easier. But, I have made it. 

Tomorrow will be another milestone that I will luckily have the chance of being a part of. On June 3rd, 2012, I will officially become a Jonesville High School graduate.

1 comment:

  1. Love you girl so so proud of you!!! Yay!!! I know you don't feel well but you've done it Alex :)