I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Incredibly long day

I'm laying here in bed...let me rephrase that..I'm laying here in MY bed after an incredibly long day. I'm beyond tired and need sleep so I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible.

I had PFT's today and they were 34% which is lower than last week and even lower than when I got admitted. It was already planned that I was going home today anyway because it had been 14 days, I was doing home IVs, and since I was getting oxygen at home, I didn't have to stay in for that. They were at 9:30 this morning and then I waited for an IV med to finish until I started packing. My step-dad showed up around 12:00, we went to lunch, came home, unpacked some, set up my new vest machine (my old one broke: It had 1120.9 hours on it), worked on an essay for class, went to the pharmacy and picked up/dropped of prescriptions, went to class, had my brothers 19th birthday dinner, got hooked up to my IV, started a treatment, Apria showed up to drop off my oxygen, had to learn all the gimmicks of that, did my other IV med, took a shower, and now I'm laying here completely comfortable. 
This morning was stressful because a case manager came in and told me that i wouldn't be allowed to get oxygen at home since the recorded all night sats were a week ago and that is too far away from discharge, bbuuut she somehow convinced them and it's in my room as we speak. Also, I was not, and am still not, feeling well at all and I was overwhelmed with dealing with school issues and had to talk on the phone with the disabilities office, but it should all be resolved now. 
I have wanted to crawl in my bed and sleep all day, and now that I have the chance, I'm doing this.
I could talk and ramble on about a lot of other things, but I'm not going to do that tonight.
Sleep is calling my name! 
Goodnight. 
P.S. I woke up Saturday morning and my voice was, and still is, completely gone. I miss it. 







My oxygen concentrator 

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