I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Friday, November 9, 2012

It's not easy

October 25, 2012

October 30, 2012

I know I haven't posted in over a month, and I'm sorry for that, but I guess I just needed to take a break for a little while. It's not always easy having to reflect on my health and realizing just how sick I am. I didn't have the energy mentally or physically to keep updating...I guess I don't need to be sorry for that.

I am out of the hospital. I got discharged November 7. After the first night (second video) I got sicker and was running 103 fevers, my O2 was running low and wouldn't go up, and my PFT's dropped a little bit, but I recovered and am doing better. My weight didn't go up at all, I actually lost a pound and I'm at 104 right now...siigghh. I lost my voice again after a couple days of being admitted. I also caught impetigo on my nose (ouch). I am currently doing home IV's and probably will be for about two more weeks.

My doctor brought up the big "T" word (transplant). I am in the process of transferring to the University of Michigan CF clinic, so once I switch over, we'll see what the next step will be. I'm sort of on the borderline of needing a transplant. My numbers are low, but they probably need to be just a few % lower to be qualified. I have oxygen at home so that helps me qualify as well. I don't know, I'm not really sure what I think about it. Some people say it's a good thing, and I am trying to see that too, but it's also not a good thing. It's not good that I am sick enough to be thinking about transplants and the possibility of needing one. It's not good that my numbers are so low that I become scared. The night that he brought up transplant I had actually sat in my bed and cried for about 2 hours.
It's not easy.

When I was feeling better. 

Discharge day

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