I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

De-accessed!!

I am (once again) officially de-accessed!! 
Now, that doesn't entirely mean that I'm better...because I'm not. 
Better from when I was admitted last..yes, but not back to baseline. 

I was finally able to take a normal shower for the first time in uhhmmm..let's see..32 days!! I honestly didn't even think that it was that long. 

I go back to the clinic this coming up Monday so we'll see how everything looks and then go from there.

In other news, I dropped out of my math class today. The professor said that if any students miss a class they automatically don't get any credit for anything that was done that day, including test's and quizzes ANDD there are no exceptions...even if you let her know that you'll be gone. We were doing mini quizzes everyday and there was HW assigned at the end of every class period. I had talked to her about me missing numerous days due to health reasons and she just said that I need to try and not miss as much as possible and if I do, well, I miss all the points. Sooooo knowing that my health isn't in the best condition at the moment, and that I'd probably be going in the hospital soon, I decided to drop-out...or as my counselor said, "postpone it." I don't want to be stressed out over school issues when they can be resolved ahead of time and especially when I need to be focusing on my health. There's a certain period called the "drop-period" which is when you can drop out of any classes and it won't count against you, your GPA, or your financial aid. It will pretty much be as if I had never signed up for that class. Instead of my math, I am now taking both sociology and some amateur typing class online. We wanted to make sure that I still had the same amount of credits so I could receive the same amount of financial aid back...which might I add, is going to be quite a bit :). I had been debating on whether or not I was going to drop-out. A big part of me felt as if I was being held back by my CF. I wanted college to be different. My WHOLE entire high school career was being blind-sided by my CF and I didn't want that anymore, but the more I began to really think about it, the more I realized that it was for the best. It also doesn't necessarily have to mean that I'm being held back either. I mean, I'm still taking college classes, right? I just need to be positive and that's what I'm going to be. 



On a side note-- I have this candle lit in my room and I believe it's called pumpkin spice....It. Smells. Phenomenal! Definitely something that I could fall asleep to every night ^_^. 





No more!! 

I wonder how many of these I've pulled out? 

Random picture of me doing a treatment earlier.

I cut myself opening up a Cayston vial. -_- 



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