I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Depending on how tonight goes..

Update: 

My sats were running about 91/92% during the day until about Saturday I believe it was. They're now running at 96% during the day :D. At night though, my sats are in the low 90's which is different because when my sats are great during the night, they're good at night. I know that everyone's sats drop at night, but mine are usually above 94% when I'm better. Sooooo, I'm staying in the ICU overnight and we're going to do an all night pulse ox to see just how low they're dropping when I'm in my REM stage of sleep. If they're below 90% then I'll be getting oxygen at home for the night. I had PFT's yesterday and they were 42%, which is another reason why we think I'll need night O2. When I left the hospital last time, I was at 37% PFTs, but my sats were running at 96 during the day AND night. 
I had always felt like I would be disappointed when (and if) the time came for me to need continuous night oxygen, but I surprisingly feel okay with it. Maybe it's just because we aren't officially sure if I'll be getting it, depending on how tonight goes. 

My weight is up to 106, PFT's are up a little, and I'm feeling better, so we're on the right track. Dr. Homnick wants to keep me here probably for another week. Want to know something? The only reason I'm incredibly upset with that is because it's fair week in my town and I want some dang fair food!!! Elephant ears, fries, cheese on a stick, and the glorious raspberry lemonade...I'm torturing myself just typing all of that. I don't want to go to the fair and hang out because it's a pool of nasty, smelly, germs..just give me the food. I'm such a fatty at heart. Maybe it's a good thing that I have CF or else I'd probably be incredibly obese. Okay, obviously I'm kidding...it's NOT a good thing, although good things have come from it :). A blessing in disguise as some would say. 

Hannah got admitted yesterday with PFTs of 47% and fevers of almost 102. Her PFT's last time she went to clinic were 61%, so yeah, that's a big drop. I know that she'll recover and get out of here in no time though :). She's one tough cookie. 

I need to pee right now, but I'm hooked up to my IV pole and really don't feel like unwrapping it amongst all of the other nebulizer and oxygen tubes and then untangling the plug so I can unplug it...is that bad? Yeah, it is. It probably wouldn't hurt to take a shower either...just saying. 

I bought a shirt yesterday that I'm super excited to get from this store: http://rockcf.storenvy.com/. It's the one that says heather. I know it may not look like anything special to some, but it has a lot of meaning, to me at least. 

I'm going to go and order some yummy hospital food now.
Bye bye! 




Behold, the lovely booth of fun!!! 
Actually, it's where I do my PFT's.



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