I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Happy birthday mom.

Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to youuu.
Happy birthday dear mommm.
Happy birthday to youuuuu.

Yeup, today is the birthday of a very special person.
My mom.
My best friend.
My support system.
A very big reason as to why I am who I am today.

My mom went through a lot during her life as a child, pre-teen, and early teenager, but just like me, she would never take any of it back. All of the rough times have led up to where we are now. So, where is that exactly? We are in a more than perfect world. Yes, there are hard times, but our strength together will conquer all of it. Our positivity and open minds will get us through the worst of times.
We read eachother's thoughts, laugh until our stomachs hurt, and lift the other one up.
We piss eachother off, mumble words of anger, and ignore the other one for unnecassary periods of time. But, no matter how long that may be, we still forgive, forget, and live on.
One of the biggest things I admire about our relationship is our bond. We recieve words of trust, wisdom, and strength amongst eachother. When I feel incredibly alone and drowned in my thoughts, I go to my mom. When I need a laugh to brighten up my day, I go to my mom. When I need to be remembered a reason as to why I keep fighting, I go to my mom. Not everyone gets the opportunity to experience this with other people, let alone their parents, so I am so incredibly grateful for everything we have.
My mom has seen me at my worst. She knows how CF affects my life and unlike many other people, she never ran away. She has been with me through it all and I think that is a big reason as to why we are so close. I know it hurts her to see me suffer, but she never surrenders to weakness. I hardly ever see my mom cry, but when I do, it breaks my heart. When I became incredibly sick in December I relied on my mom for everything. I needed her to bring me pills, plug in my breathing machines by the couch so I didn't have to get up, run up and down the stairs for extra things, make me food that I was able to eat, I even needed help showering. I knew she didn't mind, but I still felt like such a burden. Before I got admitted while I was really sick (I was trying to hold off until after Christmas), I slept on the couch downstairs for about a week and a half. Everything was more accessible, and it was easier for my mom to help care for me. Well, one night I had fallen asleep on the couch while my mom was sitting by my feet. I had woken up multiple times through-out the night because of how difficult it was the breathe, the pain, and the constant coughing. Everytime I woke up my mom would still be there, by my feet. I honestly can't tell you how much it meant that she was there. So, I woke up once again and saw my mom, but this time she was crying. I became so upset seeing her break down like that. I tried as hard as I could to stay awake and say something to her, but I was so damn tired and breathless. I think about that moment a lot, and it pains me everytime.

I love my mom. I love her more than words could ever explain, more than feelings could ever express, and more than all of the times I have said, "I love you" times a billion.
She is my head.
She is my heart.
She is my soul. <3 <3



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