I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Introduction and poem

A little over 17, that’s how old I am. More than 6,209 days of constant fighting. Cystic Fibrosis: My greatest enemy, but yet my most beautiful blessing. I have every right to break down at any given moment, but I don’t. I look my enemy in the face everyday with determination and I say, “You will not destroy me. Not today. Not ever.” If you endure every battle with an everlasting amount of optimism and hope, you will make it through anything.

Breathing doesn’t come easy for me, but I am grateful for every breath that I take.

The constant sounds keep playing through my ears.

The constant wheezing, coughing, and huffing; day after day. year after year.

The tubes, the machines, the feeling of no escape.

There's a pain on my shoulders from all of this unspeakable weight.

"But you don't look sick.." is a phrase I have learned to neglect.

It may be true, but that’s because the inside of me is something I have learned to not reflect.

It's a fight against my own, compelling self.

It's a fight against this vague, indecisive health.

I have learned to accept fate, defeat, and unwanted struggles at a very young age.

It's something you learn to do after they have constantly been engaged.

A lot of times, I feel my mind and body becoming weak, surrendered, and numb.

In these moments, I lose myself and the tenacious person I have become.

When you fight for so long and see nothing but disappointing and waning results,

You tend to feel this emotion that beats on you like a slow, temporal pulse.

It's okay to breakdown. It's okay to let your hurt and feelings show.

Just remember that you have this moment today, and look forward to tomorrow.

It may feel like you have reached your breaking point or perhaps the end of your fight,

but remember that there's a will in your heart that only you can ignite.

Your struggles may be unbelievably hard, but they were given to you to conquer,

So, play your part with an undetermined amount of strength and never fail to prosper.

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