I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Jumbled emotions

I'm sad
I'm happy
I'm grateful
I'm a wreck
I'm lost
I'm found
I'm loved
I'm alone

I have not exactly been able to put a word on my emotions these past few days. I'm such a roller-coaster right now. I don't necessarily feel sad or depressed, but then again, I don't exactly feel happy. Numb? Is that how I feel? Confused? I don't know.
Yesterday I cried on and off at least 5 times. I feel like crying right now. I'm smiling because there's so many reasons to smile, but then again, there's so many reasons to cry. I'm tired. I'm tired physically and emotionally.

No comments:

Post a Comment