I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

I'm alive.

I'm sitting here in my hospital bed thinking. Thinking about everything. Life, myself, friends, past friends, family, doctors, technology, and all of the sudden I say this..."I'm alive." I'm alive and I'm breathing, maybe not with ease, but I'm breathing. I'm alive and my god does it feels amazing. I love being here despite my struggles. I love knowing that I'm surrounded by people who care for me as much as I do for them. I cherish every moment in this unique, challenging, but yet beautiful thing that is called life. Some people believe and have said that it's the simple things in life that matter, and I couldn't agree more. The simple things all lead up to become the biggest treasures. That hug while greeting someone, a kiss before bed, a smile just because, family gatherings, laughter with friends, those moments where you think, "this is why I love you."
Those moments where you think,
"Damn. I'm alive."

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog and I have to say, I love it. I've almost never been able to have that positive out look on life, although once in a while I do have those moments of "I'm glad I'm alive". My name is Gabrielle and I have Cystic Fibrosis as well. I was also just in the hospital but got out on Thursday. I hope you start feeling better soon. Feel free to contact me, I'm always looking for more people I can actually talk to about CF since most of my family and friends want to sweep it under the rug.