I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Welcome to my life

Unfortunately, I didn't improve. Over Easter weekend I was running fevers. Monday and Tuesday I didn't have any, but it came back on Wednesday with more vengeance. I had a counseling appointment and my counselor could tell by looking at me that I was not feeling well, which is rare because I'm so good at hiding how I really feel. I left my appointment early and went home. On Thursday me and my best friend Kayla had an interview with the local newspaper about what CF is, how it affects me, and to get information about the CF walk she is holding at her school. From the time I woke up, I could feel myself becoming worse and worse. My breathing was incredibly difficult. I was having coughing attacks over and over. By that afternoon I started running fevers again. The whole night I was up coughing and struggling to catch my breath. Later that night I broke down crying because of how awful I felt.
This continued on until Friday. My fevers were nearly reaching 103 and they left me in pain all over. I was coughing so hard that it felt nearly impossible to breathe because of how sore my chest was. Everytime I would walk, my head began to spin and I wanted to pass out due to lack of oxygen and the fevers. My mom could tell just by my breathing that I was not doing well at all. She called my doctor and scheduled an appointment for that Monday. Friday night my mom almost took me to the hospital because of how bad it was. That night I was up every 30 minutes trying to catch my breath and having coughing spells. On Saturday morning we decided that it would probably be best to just go to the hospital. We had to go through the E.R. since this was not a prior planned hospitalization. At my arrival I did vital signs. My weight dropped from 111-104. My 02 was struggling between 89-90. After getting an E.R. room I was taken to get x-rays, gave a urine sample, got my port accessed, was put on oxygen, and got asked the usual questions when arriving in the hospital. "What brought you in?" "What medications are you currently on?" "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst, what would you rate your pain?" And of course all of the questions are asked numerous times from numerous people. After about almost 6 hours in a room that is smaller than my bathroom, I finally got an offical room. Luckily I had my favorite PCA. My mom left to go get subway once we found out I had a room. She and my sister stayed until about 10:30 and then left to get a hotel room. Right now I'm just doing the usual course of antibiotics and resting a lot.

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