I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Monday, April 23, 2012

There's no place like home.

My title says it all! There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. Dorothy couldn't of have been more right! And it's official, I'm home! I had pulmonary function tests today and they went up to 51%! So happy! This was possibly the shortest stay that I can think of. Only a week and 2 days. My doctor let me out early since I was just in not even barely a month ago. I'm continuing to do IV antibiotics at home for another week or two. I have an appointment next Monday to see how much longer I'll need to be on them. My weight had only went up 4 pounds and is now 108, which is better than nothing, but still not where we would like to see it. This morning when I woke up I had a headache and it continued to get worse throughout the day. After I did my PFTs my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't move at all because any movement made it worse. My whole body was covered in cold sweat and I was exhausted from the pain. Eventually I ended up throwing up for about an hour on and off. I took a bath to try and subside the pain. It helped a little, but not much. After I took a bath I started packing up all of my things! My mom and step dad arrived around 630 and after she signed the discharge papers we were off! We went to dinner at our favorite Chinese buffet and headed home. Ahh...home. It is such an incredible feeling. It's crazy how many things can be taken for granted. Being able to get up and get your own cup of water, being able to wander around your house, hugging your family and friends, sleeping in your own bed. My bed is one of my favorite places. I'm actually laying in it right now. I just finished one of my antibiotics and it's possibly one of my least favorites. The medication smells strong of cat pee and everytime I'm flushing it into my port I can taste it. The smell and taste leave me feeling naesous and give me a headache after each dose. I have pictures that I took earlier with my webcam, but I'm currently on my phone typing this so I can't upload them. I'm way to exhausted to do that tonight, so I will tomorrow. Well, I'm off to get some sleep in MY bed. I have an exciting day tomorrow which I will tell you about later! Goodnight and take care, Alexandria.

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