I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Wall of strength

Right now I am sitting in my room eating a delicious pizza and drinking a sugar free Red Bull...talk about relaxattioonn.
This weekend was very uneventful, which is never a bad thing. Sometimes it's good to just wind down and be with your family. Actually, most of the time I am. I used to constantly be out and about and running around with friends. I was never seen at home on the weekends, in fact, my mom would question me if I were ever home on the weekend. Now, I spent nearly most of the time here. I guess maybe it has something to do with comfort. I'm comfortable being around my family while doing treatments, coughing, or if I'm not feeling well. I'm not saying that I don't have friends that I can't be comfortable around, because I do indeed have some. I don't know..it's just kind of hard to explain. I think another reason may be because of safety. I know that if something were ever to happen, my mom would know exactly what to do. There have been many incidents where I would have been completely lost without her. But then again, I feel like I may be putting my life on hold by just being at home all the time. I want to be able to go out and live a teenage life without having to worry about bringing all of my medications, feeling well enough, or being back in time for a treatment. It's frustrating, but I suppose we all have to do things we don't want.
So anyway..this weekend
I wasn't exactly feeling up to par. I'm not sure if it's my sinus's acting up or if I'm full on getting sick again. I've been really congested in my nose and also my chest. Coughing more. Feeling short of breath. Waking up in the middle of the night hacking. Lets hope that it doesn't get worse because I literally just deaccessed myself and have been free from antibiotics for only a couple days. Let me just say that that is one of the best feelings. The first shower after deaccessing yourself is like heaven. I savor every second of it and become fully dissapointed once the hot water starts to run out. I actually think this has resulted in me savoring every shower I take without being accessed.
On Sunday me and my mom usually go grocery shopping and get supplies for the week ahead. We own a daycare so we have to make sure we have planned lunches and snacks for every day of the week. We came home, unloaded groceries, and started making dinner. I made a bacon, ranch pasta salad with peas in it and it was incredibly delicious. My mom made her amazingly mouth-watering hamburgers. I swear she could be a chef. We always talk about her making her own restaurant and how popular it would become, but we don't exactly have the time for that to actually happen. I love dinner time. Dinner time means family time. Family time means conversing, laughing, and just realizing over and over again how much you love them. I literally sit at dinner every night and think about how much I love my family. My sister, brothers, mom, stepdad, stepbrothers. They are all a piece of me that helps build my wall of strength.

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