I'm young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.
At a younger age I was never able to understand most things that were brought upon my life. I was constantly facing new struggles that kids I was surrounded by weren’t dealing with and may never have to. I grew up surrounded by medical terms, doctors, and hospitalizations. I became familiar with medication lists so long that they consumed 3 full pages.
My whole life I have been raised through challenges, broken dreams, and learning to adapt to new lifestyles time and time again. As I began to get older and wiser I learned to accept my fate in life, I learned to face difficulties with nothing but a positive outlook, and I learned that there is no way to change your past, but there are ways to make your present and future worthwhile.
There have been times where I was not able to keep my vigorous frame of mind. In these moments I would feel myself slowly drowning in sorrow, defeat, but most of all, guilt. I felt guilty because, even though I may not have been in the best situation, I was far better off than some people in this world. These are the moments that have helped define who I am. People will hear my infectious laugh during my most difficult intervals, I will have an everlasting smile on my face when all I want to do is break down, and no matter what is going on in my life, I am always putting forth the effort into making others happy.
For me to be able to say that I am satisfied with myself, life, and all of its entities is a wondrous feeling and gift. Every day I fight the odds and live with a mad, passionate determination, which no matter what, will never be destroyed.
I’m young. 18 years old to be exact, but my heart and mind say otherwise.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

You'll never know, if you never try.

Tuesday was a great day. I got to see one of my best friends, Kayla. Her school was having an assembly to talk about what CF is, the foundation, and what people could do to help. The people who spoke was a guy with CF who recieved a double lung transplant, and his wife. They both help out at the foundation and do several speeches through-out the year. It was amazing to be a part of the assembly and to see how the kids were interested in helping out. The walk is only a week and a half away and I couldn't be more excited!I had a counseling appointment yesterday and of course, it went well. I swear after leaving each appointment I feel so much better. I never really understood why, but I came to the conclusion that maybe it's because I'm actually able to come out and talk about how I'm feeling with all honesty. Being able to talk to someone face to face is so much different than texting, messaging, or talking on the phone. Michelle, my counselor, is amazing as well which has helped out a lot. At first, I was really not looking forward to starting counseling. I thought to myself, "How is it going to make me feel better when I'm talking to someone who has no idea as to what I'm going through?" Michelle always knows exactly what to say, and I know she genuinely cares about what I'm telling her and how I am doing. I guess it all relates to the saying, "You'll never know, if you never try."
Unfortunately, I have not been feeling very well. I've been extremely exhausted in every way, my lungs/chest hurt, I'm coughing more, and just overall I feel blahhhh. I guess I didn't exactly feel completely better when I left the hospital to begin with. Luckily, I'm doing home IV antibiotics, so maybe since it hasn't even been my full course, I'll start noticing a difference soon. I haven't gone back to school, and I probably won't until next week. Usually I would still be in the hospital, but I was released early, so I'm trying to stay focused on resting my body and doing my daily treatments/medications, which in actuality, I am always worrying about. Today, we had an inspector guy come to our house for the yearly inspections since we own a daycare. He just left and of course, we passed with 100%! Right now I am just laying around in my room. I might take a nap soon, although I should probably be working on my online class, but I'm so incredibly tired. For the past few days I have felt like I haven't slept in days. Oooh and I also have some good news! My car is back! We had to take my car to get fixed and it was at the place for at least a month, but yes! It's finally back! I have a mustang that was, well kind of still is, my moms. I love just driving around by myself with my own thoughts. It's relaxing. Well, I'm off to go do my IV antibiotic.
Take care,

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